The Queen of Lost Things

It’s the bane of my existence,

it’s the thorn in my side

It plagues me with persistence

To this fate I am resigned

Oh, I’m the queen of losin stuff

No matter how I try

It always leaves me in a huff

When there’s something I can’t find!

I always leave my keychain

In my little bag with stripes

But somehow the bag never remains

faithfully by my side.

I tear the house apart

lamenting, “I’m sure it was  right here!”

But I may as well be searching in the dark

For when I check the last place seen, my trinkets are nowhere near.

I carefully choose where to set things down

then scurry about to tidy my nest,

and in all the bustling and shuffling around

Where the hell my things went, is anyone’s guess!

Thank you to https://apricotsandadmiration.com and https://theartjunkie.wordpress.com/ for helping me edit!

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Author: kheprisilvanis

I love my life, my family and our traveling adventure. I hate tweakers and bad parenting.

3 thoughts on “The Queen of Lost Things”

  1. Editing is not my strength, but I looked over the first section and I can offer up a few minor tweaks that might help it to flow a little more smoothly:

    It’s the bane of my existence,
    it’s the thorn that’s in my side
    It plagues me with its persistence
    From this curse I cannot hide
    Oh, I’m the queen of losing stuff
    To this fate I am resigned
    It always leaves me in a huff
    When there’s something I can’t find!

    Like

  2. I’m with She-Ra in that I’m not a poetry editor, and also that it’s a really good poem that doesn’t need very much tweaking, just some polishing. Nevertheless, as a longtime newsroom editor, I can offer this one bit of advice. Scratch every single word that doesn’t add something substantial to your writing. Also, you might want to fiddle with the rhythm and cadence of a couple of lines. I hope you really did mean you wanted editing help! These are the comments/suggestions, I’d make.

    It’s the bane of my existence,

    it’s the thorn in my side

    I’m plagued with its persistence

    To this fate I resign.

    Oh, I’m the queen of losin stuff

    No matter how I try

    It always leaves me in a huff

    When something I can’t find!

    I always leave my keychain

    in my little bag with stripes.

    But when the bag is absent

    (Not sure you need this line: from being at my side).

    I tear the house apart

    (Not sure about this line, even if you need it at all – cadence goes off here – you might want to rewrite slightly: saying things like, “I always leave it right here!”

    But it only leaves me searching,

    fumbling in the dark.

    For when I check my special space

    my trinkets are not near

    I set things down, then go about

    my business again,

    (Not sure, but you might want to fiddle with wording and rhythm of these last lines)

    somehow manage to move things around

    And suddenly I don’t know where the hell my things went!

    Like

    1. I did mean that! Your advice is welcome! The only issue with the edits towards the middle and down is that the poem loses some of its rhymes. The rhymes are why it’s so awkward. I’m not good at stuffing my message into a box, which is why I tend to only do it with silly stuff I don’t feel bad about chopping up to make it work. I’ll have to fine tune! Thank you for taking the time!

      Like

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